Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
