I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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