My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
