dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
