i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
