some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
