she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
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He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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