I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
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David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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