its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
