I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
