are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize