I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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