Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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