All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
