This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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