"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hippo gnu deer
He better not be in your backpack
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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