What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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