Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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