I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
