Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
