why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
