youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
