That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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