OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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