She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
