Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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