The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
