Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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