ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
