I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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