he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
