how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
