:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
