I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
FUCK WHALES
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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