the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need water and some morals
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
