Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
