I wish I could teleport
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
