i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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