I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
