Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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