I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
