I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
