Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
