I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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