It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
