Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
