Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
