Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
a search helicopter?!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
