I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
