Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
