well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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