my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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