I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
