my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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