i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
