what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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