i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
