Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize