I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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