p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
