just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
