Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
